Stories / Poems

You will often hear of funny things (1953)


You will often hear of funny things, as you pass by upon your way

And many are the humorous sketches, you will hear from day to day

But if you’re not in a hurry, attend to me a while

And I’ll relate a tale to you that will almost make you smile

There’s a place called Aughintober, nor far from Dungannon Town

In Tyrone among the bushes in story and renown

It at this place you’ll understand, my tale it has its home

Where young men and maids, we have been told, at twilight often roam

At this place called Aughintober, there exists a splendid hall

Were it not for that, there’d be no need for me at all at all

The members there we have been told, they did agree of late

To chip the walls and paint them, the hall to re-decorate

To start the work on Monday, they assembled at the hall

To see the matter to the end was the wish of one and all

There were lots and lots of willing friends well known to me and you

But within the confines of this rhyme I’ll only name a few

George Cuddy, Albert Kelly and Fred Martin were great lights

Bob Cuddy had been married he could only come on certain nights

Fred Burrows, he was hunting, an apology did send

That he was lamping rabbits, he to the hall could not attend

You know our friend Bob Cuddy, I mean him from Killymoyle

Scattering sawdust on the floor, he did most laboriously toil

When John Watt saw the sawdust, he says there is no need to grouse

You’ve made a fine beginning for a great deep litter house

From Killymoyle, George Cuddy came, the rat holes for to close

What rats could get into this fine hall, that’s what no-one knows

Andy Lamont painted the forms; he did the job so well

That they weren’t dry for several weeks, least so the people tell

Tom Steen did the fancy work, a splendid job he made

We never knew he was such an expert at the trade

James Brown did some painting, and as paintings all the rage

He went about for several weeks, behind a camouflage

When they went into the kitchen, things were not looking bright

George Cuddy, to a party went on the very first night

On the second night the workers all with joy did congregate

At Austin Patterson’s wedding, they went to celebrate

And now the ladies cloakroom, it must be finished right

Fred Martin did his very best to make the place look bright

I’m sure the ladies hanging coats will often say with joy

“Now isn’t Freddie Martin a great broth of a boy”

To help the light they did agree to Calor Gas install

For these wee flicks of paraffin lamps they are no good at all

Get ready for a wedding, at least that’s the people’s talk

Fred Martin and Tom Steen did work till it was four o’clock

Then at the wedding party the place was ablaze with light

It was so like the sunset, it was so very bright

But the chimney smoked just awful the kitchen was overcast

And when the night was over, Willie Doran, was half gassed

All said the smoke was awful, the stove must be removed

Right over to the other side, and of this scheme all approved

And so the strong men gathered, the job was quickly done

Now the smoke roars up the chimney like it did enjoy the fun

All thanks to Willie Doran, with that you will agree

For every night he provided, currant baps and tea

It was always very welcome and the dust it did wash down

For at repairs, the dust and grime are always floating round

At Lodge meeting, the WM thanked members one and all

For the hearty way in which they did respond unto the call

Now with congratulations we’ll end this silly rhyme

Perhaps there may be more to say upon a future time

Composed by Bob Quinn

Copied down by Mrs Margt Cuddy, Gorey

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